It won’t go away
And I’ve come to you so many times
And begged you
And reasoned with you
‘Til I was hoarse.
Only crickets outside my window
Were more persistent.
I’ve tried to pinpoint the sin
The threshold for entrance
Of this torment.
I just don’t know
Not perfect and never will be
Your Spirit casts no light
And then in a spasm of religion
I posit all kinds of misdemeanours.
Or perhaps I go back
To the muck before I knew you.
Is that still whipping me?
Is it really under the blood?
Is there someone I need to forgive?
I thought many slates were clean.
Or did I just forget?
I go back to some of those old arenas
And feel the hate kicking in.
Didn’t you remove it?
Or is there a Bible verse
Some remedial saying of yours
That I must rehearse like a wind-up doll?
I’m so tired
And know of no one
To help shoulder this dinosaur
And that hurts
Like a constant aching chest.
So many are gone
And I told myself
That it must be the price
The constant lonely drizzle.
Seems like I can only bring it to you.
Do you really have the patience
For all of this?
Am I like that aggravating neighbour
Asking for yet another favour.
But now, even saying this,
I sense that your ears are available
Your shoulders are broad
Your eyes are clear
Your hands are big and capable
Your feet have walked darkest corridors
Have also danced in halls
Of honest celebration
Your tears are liberal
Your hope is dauntless
Your smile comes at surprising times
Even for me, your whining little brother.
Your word says that I am
To count it all joy
I can’t do that;
Have joy when the thing
Is still holding on.
Can you re-mold me to that extent?
Wouldn’t it just be unbelief?
I choose to step aside
To let you have greater room to move.
Rescue me, Jesus
Astonish me. But more importantly
Hold me…and never let me go
And let me know it’s so…
I will shut up now
The inner ear registers:
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life. Isaiah 43
For this is what the high and exalted One says—
he who lives forever, whose name is holy:
“I live in a high and holy place,
but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit,
to revive the spirit of the lowly
and to revive the heart of the contrite. Isaiah 57